Here at Photojojo, we’ve dallied with all the major winter holidays. Chrismukkawanzaa, St. Bodagisil’s Day, The Feast of a Thousand Hams… you name it, we’ve tried it.

But Festivus is our favorite.

As many of you know, Festivus was popularized 11 years ago by an episode of “Seinfeld” and is now celebrated by discerning holiday-makers around the globe. Unbeknownst to many, Festivus was in fact started in the 1960s by the father of a future Seinfeld writer.

Festivus (long may it live) has three fine traditions:

1. The Festivus Pole
2. The Airing of Grievances
3. The Feats of Strength

One of these traditions is a bit difficult for us, but we’re leading up to that. If you want to learn how to celebrate the finest winter holiday the Photojojo way (i.e. with cameras, photos and a double helping of silly), keep reading.

A Photojojo Family Festivus

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Photo credit: Mark Demeny

Tradition One: The Festivus Pole

No problems here, we’re good at this one.

• Acquire an aluminum pole: check.
• Stand it upright: check.
• Refrain from decorating it in any way whatsoever: check.

So far, so good.

Tradition Two: The Airing of Grievances

Traditionally, over dinner, each person explains to the other members of the family the ways they have disappointed him/her over the past year.

This is where we hit a snag.

The thing is, we like you people. We really like you.

The best we can do with this tradition is a list of little things that bug us about life in general. Bitter coffee, for example. And the unimaginably tiny parking spaces at our favorite grocery store.

It’s not much, but tradition is tradition, so we do the best we can.

Tradition Three: The Feats of Strength

After the traditional Festivus dinner, The Feats of Strength begin, in which members of the family wrestle each other. This continues until the head of the family has been pinned.

Once upon a time, the Feats of Strength were our Achilles heel.

Challenge us to a thumb wrestling match and we’re on solid ground. But knock-down, drag-out, honest-to-goodness wrestling wrestling? Not so much.

But now we have an alternative solution that makes us a force to be reckoned with: The Camera Shootout.

How To Have A Camera Shootout

The object is to take the ugliest possible photo of your opponent. No holds barred, no punches pulled.

Step 1: Arm yourself. Each combatant is to be armed with a camera and flash.

Step 2: Face off. Stand face to face, several paces apart.

Step 3: FIRE! Take as many ugly pictures as you can for a period of 60 seconds.

Step 4: Judgement day. The others members of the family judge the resulting photos and choose the ugliest photo. The tournament then continues as the winner takes on a new challenger.

Tips from the Masters

• Blind your opponent with your flash, then run up close and start shooting photos up their nose.
• Throw something at your opponent’s feet, then photograph their double chin when they look down. (For double points, get their bald spot before they look up again!)
• Turn off the red-eye reduction function on your camera so your opponent gets the “devil eyes.”
• Set your camera on the highest shutter speed possible to capture every tiny unflattering movement. Mwa ha ha ha HA!

More Resources for the Bestest Festivus

• The Wagner Companies sell aluminum Festivus poles in tree-size and tabletop models. No, seriously.
• Fine books on the subject of Festivus include Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us and The Real Festivus.

Photo credits: Mark Demeny, bubbly toes, and Scott Robbin

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